I tend to feel somber the day before my birthday. They never live up to my expectation.

The day before I turned 20, I was in South Africa and cried deeply, it was something dumb. I’m turning 21 tomorrow, and I can’t help but feel a heavy sadness.

Maybe this is me realizing how much I hate invisible targets or milestones like 21.

Maybe for - as addicted as I am to the feeling of leaving - I don’t like change that’s out of my control.

Maybe this is the start of my transition from extrovert to introvert.

Maybe it’s the one day that depends on how others celebrate (or don’t celebrate) you. Maybe I don’t feel celebrated, and maybe I just hate that.

So I guess I’m trying to say this - I’m done with birthdays. Please let me forget what day it is, and turn my brain off to the whole “birthday” part of growing up.

Today, I received 4 rejections from things that I really love. Over the last 6 months, I think I was rejected from over 40 jobs I’ve applied for.

It’s hard when you feel there is no closure, no reason, and so much rides on the decision.

Growing up is hard. We don’t talk about rejection enough in our lives. I don’t know how to end this post.